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one liners

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  • one liners

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

    Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

    My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

    You're not fat, you're just... easier to see

    If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

    The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

    Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

    I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

    Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.

    Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else

    Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

    Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Sesame Street puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

    You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

    Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

    When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

    Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

    hope u enyjoyed if so will put some more up

  • #2
    Some canny ones tbere waco

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    • #3
      on fire there bud
      AUDENTES FORTUNA JUVAT

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      • #4
        thead.

        PERSONALY, a load of CRAP,bob.you cant even drive,for a start.wasted my time reading this post.sorry thats my opion.ps,what was it all about.???????.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by regpude View Post
          PERSONALY, a load of CRAP,bob.you cant even drive,for a start.wasted my time reading this post.sorry thats my opion.ps,what was it all about.???????.
          a good attempt to put a wee bit life /interest back into the forum--i enjoyed one or two or 10 of them
          AUDENTES FORTUNA JUVAT

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          • #6
            some canny ones there bob

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            • #7
              Originally posted by regpude View Post
              PERSONALY, a load of CRAP,bob.you cant even drive,for a start.wasted my time reading this post.sorry thats my opion.ps,what was it all about.???????.
              reg a can drive but not got a car, but seeing a can not catch fish an not able to put fishing reports on . just thought a would put a bit reading interest on nesa to give the lads a bit of a smile ,

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              • #8
                reg you muppet....!
                How do you get a fat bird into bed....? Piece of cake.....!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by regpude View Post
                  PERSONALY, a load of CRAP,bob.you cant even drive,for a start.wasted my time reading this post.sorry thats my opion.ps,what was it all about.???????.
                  .ok,bob,sorry about my own opion.ill take the opion back.as for the pm,think you were well over the top.NEVER have @ NEVER will take the stuff you acussed me of..

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                  • #10
                    what do you call a lass lying across a tennis court....? annette.....!

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                    • #11
                      nice one m8 got a laugh
                      consett warlord retired

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