Tweet
>> One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in
>>a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything
>>you want."
>>
>> So he tied her up and went fishing.
>>
>> **************************************************
>>
>> A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
>>into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
>>lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
>>
>> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>>mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
>>
>> **************************************************
>>
>> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
>>and the other is a husband.
>>
>> **************************************************
>>
>> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
>>license.
>>
>> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
>>showed him a card with the letters:
>> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>>
>> "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
>>
>> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>>
>> **************************************************
>>
>> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
>>
>> "I must tell you all something. We have a case of typhoid in the
>>convent."
>>
>> "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>>chardonnay."
>>
>> **************************************************
>> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>>
>> Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
>>
>> "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my
>>GOD!
>> You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM
>>NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE
>>BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
>>You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
>>Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You
>>know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE
>>SALT!"
>>
>> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
>>You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
>>
>> The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it
>>feels like when I'm driving."
>>a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything
>>you want."
>>
>> So he tied her up and went fishing.
>>
>> **************************************************
>>
>> A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
>>into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her
>>lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
>>
>> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>>mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
>>
>> **************************************************
>>
>> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
>>and the other is a husband.
>>
>> **************************************************
>>
>> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
>>license.
>>
>> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
>>showed him a card with the letters:
>> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>>
>> "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
>>
>> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>>
>> **************************************************
>>
>> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
>>
>> "I must tell you all something. We have a case of typhoid in the
>>convent."
>>
>> "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>>chardonnay."
>>
>> **************************************************
>> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>>
>> Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
>>
>> "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my
>>GOD!
>> You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM
>>NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE
>>BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
>>You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
>>Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You
>>know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE
>>SALT!"
>>
>> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
>>You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
>>
>> The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it
>>feels like when I'm driving."