micky-quayle
Well-known member
> NICKNAMES
> * If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
> * If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
>
> EATING OUT
> * When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it\'s only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
> * When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
> MONEY
> * A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
> * A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn\'t need but it\'s on sale
>
> BATHROOMS
> * A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
> * The average number of items in the typical woman\'s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
>
> ARGUMENTS
> * A woman has the last word in any argument.
> * Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
> CATS
> * Women love cats.
> * Men say they love cats, but when women aren\'t looking, men kick cats.
>
> FUTURE
> * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> * A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
> SUCCESS
> * A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> * A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
> MARRIAGE
> * A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn\'t.
> * A man marries a woman expecting that she won\'t change, but she does.
>
> DRESSING UP
> * A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
> * A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
> NATURAL
> * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> * Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
>
> OFFSPRING
> * Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
> * A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
>
> THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> * Any married man should forget his mistakes. There\'s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
>
> * What a woman says: C\'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean.Your trousers are on the floor and you\'ll have no clothes if we don\'t do the laundry now.
> * What a man hears: C\'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah,blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW
> * If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
> * If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
>
> EATING OUT
> * When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it\'s only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
> * When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
> MONEY
> * A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
> * A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn\'t need but it\'s on sale
>
> BATHROOMS
> * A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
> * The average number of items in the typical woman\'s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
>
> ARGUMENTS
> * A woman has the last word in any argument.
> * Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
> CATS
> * Women love cats.
> * Men say they love cats, but when women aren\'t looking, men kick cats.
>
> FUTURE
> * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> * A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
> SUCCESS
> * A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> * A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
> MARRIAGE
> * A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn\'t.
> * A man marries a woman expecting that she won\'t change, but she does.
>
> DRESSING UP
> * A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
> * A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
>
> NATURAL
> * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> * Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
>
> OFFSPRING
> * Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
> * A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
>
> THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> * Any married man should forget his mistakes. There\'s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
>
> * What a woman says: C\'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean.Your trousers are on the floor and you\'ll have no clothes if we don\'t do the laundry now.
> * What a man hears: C\'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah,blah, blah, blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW
