posting from mehospital bed

had all the packing taken out yet?? you like that bit its really nice,

my sphincter just tightened with the flash back to it!

wouldn\'t of fancied being in daniella westbrooks shoes though

[Edited on 3/5/2006 by mark]
 
Tis true lads, out now though. Got a free 20p worth on the on-line bedside thing for filling in a survey and thought what better! Packing\'s out markit was great fun. 2 weeks off work like but me hooters killing me. :(
 
Anyone had to do a nasal douche before? (3/4 times a day) They gave me a diagram. I have to kneel down, place my forehead on the floor and raise my arse in the air. (One of the kids came home early when I was doing it for the first time and our lass luckily tripped them up before they delivered the mother of all boots up the arse to my perfectly positioned posterior) I then have to syringe 5ml of saline into a nostril and hold the position for 2-3 minutes. Place a bowl under my chin, straighten up. eject gently then repeat on the other side. I have to go to The Galleries tomorrow during a scheduled douche stop so just skip ye gently round the mad white muslim with the Walter Matthau nose and his threadbare arse pointing at the ceiling.

I\'d appreciate it, cheers. :(
 
had all the packing taken out yet?? you like that bit its really nice,

my sphincter just tightened with the flash back to it!

wouldn\'t of fancied being in daniella westbrooks shoes though

[Edited on 3/5/2006 by mark]
Click to expand...

Mine was needed due to a congenital defect and not self inflicted! just in case this affects the level of sympathy and/or gifts I may receive from wellwishers.


2 week sick note though and I\'m already feeling up for a good old angle. Mind you a goldheaded nymph hitting me on the snout makes me shudder. There was a football being kicked about 4 mile away from me earlier on and the thought of it\'s soft leather impacting at reasonable speed on my tender little sniffer is still making me feel sick :o
 
I\'ve not been to the galleries for years ,what time you going Ell ,it sounds like free entertainment ,I could go straight from work with my steel cappers on lol ;)
 
Hey man ,look at it this way ...it could be worse ,might have been me .



No honestly mate ,I hope it gets better as quick as possible .
 
This Nasal lavage business I mentioned earlier. On the same instruction sheet (It\'s really dodgy and photocopied, the kneeling douching nose man is hand drawn very badly, it reminds me of the anarchist factsheets we used to duplicate in the revolutionary 80\'s) it also outlines a recipie for the \"douche liquide replacemente\" when the lovely sexy ampoules run out what they give you when you first leave the ward (To make up for the abomination of a breakfast they expect you to eat, and the fact that they\'ve ballsed up in so many ways you would have knocked them out but for the fact that they are hard working nurses and doctors and that). On this sheet it gives a recipie of how to make your own nose broth - Salt / bicarb / boiled water. Towards the bottom of the sheet it mentions some nasal atomiser you can also use, which involves gently squirting a fine mist into the upright open nostril, resulting in quick healing and general allround quick spiffinesss. Obviously costs more than 65p to purchase though so ............Arse up, towel out, kettle, syringe full again. NI Payments :casstet:

I am obviously purchasing some of the good stuff when I can be arsed.

[Edited on 5/5/2006 by Charlie_Thompson]
 
first time round, I went through the lavage business, second time took the sub-mucous diathermy option - highly recomended

I experimented with positions and discovered it is entirely possibly to drown whilst lying on the bed fully clothed. thought I\'d try lying on me back head over the side, and have the solution poured up me scnozzle by means of turkey baster

It takes approximately one quarter of a turkey baster full of salty water to almost drown a tall skinny adult male, thus proving it not only possible to drown in bed but that you can also drown someone with a turkey baister


second time round the diathermy was great, easpy peasy on the packing front, not the 18 yards of headscarves tied together like what ALI BONGO used to do, just 2 tampons, least I think thats what they were (the strings were a pain when I ate soup), but once out clean as whistle, apart from 2 contendors for the worlds biggest bogey a few days later

the cold old days of the nhs eh??

no matter how hard I\'ve tried I\'ve not been able to undo their good work
 
first time round, I went through the lavage business, second time took the sub-mucous diathermy option - highly recomended

I experimented with positions and discovered it is entirely possibly to drown whilst lying on the bed fully clothed. thought I\'d try lying on me back head over the side, and have the solution poured up me scnozzle by means of turkey baster

It takes approximately one quarter of a turkey baster full of salty water to almost drown a tall skinny adult male, thus proving it not only possible to drown in bed but that you can also drown someone with a turkey baister


second time round the diathermy was great, easpy peasy on the packing front, not the 18 yards of headscarves tied together like what ALI BONGO used to do, just 2 tampons, least I think thats what they were (the strings were a pain when I ate soup), but once out clean as whistle, apart from 2 contendors for the worlds biggest bogey a few days later

the cold old days of the nhs eh??

no matter how hard I\'ve tried I\'ve not been able to undo their good work
Click to expand...

I\'ve just bust several stitches funny guy. Pack it in. Enough already.
 
And I never mentioned my request for a bed bath from the nurse who won the world\'s shortest skirt competition that year

what you need is a little anaesthetic, just don\'t wash it out afterwards

ps - try not to sneeze!
 
hope all went well ian

i had to read the topic title twice it looked like mental hospital the first time ;)
Click to expand...

Bri You cool man obviously :cool: Right on the money. There were doubters when I may have died pon the nhs bed from snat up me knose. Ken :exclam:


Aye that hurt lads though, the shadow of doubt. I\'ve never been one to be frivolous on this forum areaness
 

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