peter.m
Well-known member
1. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says \" Well I can clearly see you\'re nuts.\"
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn\'t find any.
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him fifty quid that he couldn\'t reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said \"NO, the steaks are too high.\"
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. a man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doctor says \"I\'ll give you some cream to put on it.\"
6. \" Doctor I can\'t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.\"
\"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome\"
\"Is it common?\"
\" It\'s not unusual.\"
7. So I was getting into my car when this bloke says to me \"Can you give me a lift?\"
I said \"Sure, you look great, the worlds your oyster, go for it.\"
8. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other \"Your round.\"
The other one says \"So are you, you fat bastard.\"
9. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
10. A man walks into the doctors and says \"I\'ve hurt my arm in several places.\"
The doctor replies \"Well don\'t go back there anymore.\"
The shrink says \" Well I can clearly see you\'re nuts.\"
2. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn\'t find any.
3. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him fifty quid that he couldn\'t reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said \"NO, the steaks are too high.\"
4. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
5. a man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doctor says \"I\'ll give you some cream to put on it.\"
6. \" Doctor I can\'t stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.\"
\"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome\"
\"Is it common?\"
\" It\'s not unusual.\"
7. So I was getting into my car when this bloke says to me \"Can you give me a lift?\"
I said \"Sure, you look great, the worlds your oyster, go for it.\"
8. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other \"Your round.\"
The other one says \"So are you, you fat bastard.\"
9. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
10. A man walks into the doctors and says \"I\'ve hurt my arm in several places.\"
The doctor replies \"Well don\'t go back there anymore.\"
