he's not Irish so thats sunderland ruled out!
He's English, so thats chelski ruled out
he can string a sentence together so thats man united ruled out
he hasn't got an ASBO so thats arsenal, liverpool, spurs, and West ham rulled out
he doesn't own a whippet and isn't fond of black pudding so thats blackburn, bolton and wigan rulled out...
Steve Coppell:
If your reading this....
for sale: 1 Footballer, low mileage, been kept in the garage since last MOT, little use, been serviced at no expense spared, several previous owners. Sale due to complete lack of integrity by current owner and upcoming redundancy (if only!)
If you're reading this, you can have him for a whole season for £100,000 (he'll only play 1 game though and you be paying him that every week to play golf in Florida whilst he's injured)