The Coffin

A

alan

Well-known member
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when he hears



BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP ... behind him.





Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him




BUMP...





BUMP...





BUMP...






Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him





faster...





faster...






BUMP...







BUMP...






BUMP...





He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.








However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping










clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...





on his heels the terrified man runs.





Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.


Bumping and clapping toward him.





The man screams and reaches for something, anything...

but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!









Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...














and,







(hopefully your\'re ready for this!!!)




the coffin stops.
 
i have alan, but i have to be careful just in case it offend someone we might have worked forin the past.

i can tell you about a gravedigger who used to work for morpeth cemetery though. a while ago before i started with me dad i used to help out sometimes and we were doing a funeral in morpeth when it came time for the burial we carried the coffin to the grave which this gravedigger had done ( he used to like a pint or two) when we were lowering into the grave the coffin would not fit down the hole because he had dug it to small, we looked up at him with that look as if to say what have you done. all the family were standing around, he just walked up looked at the hole and then the coffin then out of the blue decided to jump on the coffin to see if he could force it down the hole. i can still remember the look on my dads face to this day it was a picture. needless to say he does not work for the council anymore lol


cheers
mark


[Edited on 8/2/2006 by marksworld]
 
i know and my dad was not very happy at the time. the lad in question was terrible for taking and remembering sizws he was given. i have been told that he also forgot to dig graves sometimes also he would dig them in the middle of the night


cheersd
mark :D
 
My dad was always late for everything....Mum died when I was 12 and the hearse had a puncture right out side the door...the general concensous was that she was trying to tell him that her catch phrase \"you will be late for your own funeral\" could actually come true. Have to say that everybody had a lovely day (she had suffered cancer for 4 years) and celebrated the fact that they had been lucky enough to have known her. She was alovely woman and really makes you wonder why \"the good die young!\"

Ali
 
Nice memory\'s Ali.

I don\'t think that we (the English) will ever come to terms with the loss of a loved one the way that our Scottish and Irish friends and relatives do.

I have never been to a funeral to celebrate the loss of anyone, more is the pity. The stiff upper lip must prevail lol.

Jim.
 
lol jim about this being in the wrong section. i am doing more and more funerals where the family want a celebration of life more than the traditional funeral, times they are a changin. i would class myself as an aproachable modern funeral director, not your dour old traditional type. just got to add there is still nothing wrong with tradition


cheers
mark :D
 
I was at a humanist funeral about three weeks ago and I must admit it was one of the nicest (if it could ever be a pleasant occasion) funerals i have been to because they did celebrate the life that was.
 
i did a funeral up at bockenfield woodland burials about 2 years ago which with a humanist taking the service it was very informal, no black suits etc the familly wanted a happy affair which by all accounts was. they set 100 baloons in the air with a message in each and read some poems then played a couple of david bowie tracks. by pure chance one of the RAF jets flew by and was told later on by the family that she was the first woman in the RAF in england and that the jet passing by made there day and seemed very fitting. for a funeral there was a lot of smiling and not much tears shed.


cheers
mark :D

[Edited on 10/2/2006 by marksworld]
 
When one of Ray\'s best mates, Little Jeff who was a well known local rock DJ, died last year the funeral was attended by hundreds - standing room only in the church with everybody dressed as though they were going to Mayfair. It was followed by a rock night in Trillians. There was lots of guessing as to what music he would have played with suggestions such as Stairway to Heaven etc but he had decided he wanted to leave the church to the strains of the Blaydon Races

Ali and Ray
 

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